I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
