You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
