Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
its not stalking. its research.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
