Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize