Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
