you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
