I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
