Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
