My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
