woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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