That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
