I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
