Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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