Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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