who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
