I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
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