I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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