my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
sarcasm needs its own font
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
