i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
