Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
