Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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