I am puke
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
high people should be assigned attendants
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize