guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
