why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
