Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
