in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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