So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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