tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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