I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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