You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
