i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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