I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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