i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
