I need help removing her.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
