I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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