hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
