I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
