I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize