I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
