Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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