I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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