There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
