i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
