I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
