i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
