I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
