don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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