I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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