My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
