There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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