You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
