I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
