was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
