nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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