The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
