I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
