Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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