the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
