Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
