Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Randomize