It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
