I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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