Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize