i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
