So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
