I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
