If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
