You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My dick has a subreddit
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
