I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
