What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
‪So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?‬
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
